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6:23 PM

Baby MAgic Dust

Journey to motherhood? Im sure everyone has a story to tell, heres mine...(12 Oct 2009, 2 days before my bday)

CLinic C referred me to Clinic D, the infertility clinic. (-.-) small eyes, just becos Im not preg yet post one year of marriage. & interestingly, they put my diagnosis as : infertile! When I hold on to the lab form, Im like.. what the!!! Honestly doesnt feel good now that Im playing the role of a patient. WEnt for my blood test ( Its nice to poke others , not the other way round.. :S)

Few days later:

Nurse: Ms Teoh, you need to repeat your blood test. your Hormone is raised...
Me: Huh??? Are you sure Nurse? ( Its terrifying to hear the hosp calling to inform about abnormalities...)
Nurse: Maybe i pass the phone to the Dr
Me: ( What the...means must be serious for Dr to talk to me... :S)
Dr: Ms Teoh, we need you to come back to repeat your test. Let me arrange an EArly appt and also a Endocrine Appt with our hosp
Me: (FRozen....) Ok.
Nurse: I will get you the earliest date possible and also Endocrine appt at AH

Me: ( means must be serious lah, so urgent, face turning green..)

All in all, the Nurse call my mobile 5 times the next few days...its not funny. I ask her, what hormone is raised...I was told my prolactin was 60++

Immediately i went to the net and started searching what the hell was that..

Few reasons for raised Prolactin.

1. Kidney prob
2. Some other prob
3. Preg

I was seriously praying Im good for reason No. 3. Then I rem my test strip was NEG one week ago.... Reluctantly went back to KK for the repeat labs.

Room 4 ( where all the sucking of blood take place... :S)
Me: Nurse,can you pls add in BHCG ( Im praying for No.3..)Telling her my concern
Nurse: Sure. I can put that as urgent ( Thats so sweet of her, keep my fingers crossed)

Clinic D: (Number board lighted up, Beep)
LOVe and I went in, we were prepared to be refered to lots of specialist and hearing more abnormal lab results.......we sat down
Dr: Hmmm...actually you dont need to see me.
Me: ???:

Dr: YOu are positive
Me : LOOk at Win ( I felt numb and cold) Dr are you sure?
Dr: YAh..smiling, your BHCG is positive. Level is 500+ thou. NVM go for a ultrasound. hope we can see something
Love & I: WAlk out of the room, he was with a interesting look on his face..not suprised/happy/sad but probably in shock

Me: Great..now what...I had no symptoms at all, its really shocking

Ultrasound room
Scan scan Scan, found a 6mm cyst ( Ok i nv have cyst before) then something else that is 3-5mm maybe thats our friend. WEnt back to Dr J Wee, calculated will be EDD prob Mid June. 5 weekers already..(WOW...)
Honestly still in shock, went buffet celeb still in shock, go home still in shock. haha..
Now that explains why the PMS Breast sore NEVER goes away...so its here to stay

Dont feel a thing...what i did was massively started reading up and downloaded a calender to update me on the growth of our friend every week and progress..interesting. Didnt want to load him with too much info, i know he is a Cool DAd..
I know when LOve got over his shock was...(few days later)
LOve: come let me talk to him/her. (Mouth going to my tummy) HARLOW!!!!

Me: Giggling..hahah thats really ticklish, you are scaring him/her

Bed time chats.. names for our friend. Girl (Viki) Boy (Viktor/Vic/VAelik) Saw the meaning of Vincent, means Conqueror and Viktor,Vic come from that name, DAddy's name :)) what a warrior. Yes i want my bOy to be as brave and strong and macho as his DAd. He love a Daddy's Girl, I would Love a Mummy's Boy. will see who wins
(1 week later)

LOve: Come let me teach him/her 8 times table ( Mouth going to my tummy again)

Me: wow aint you abit fast, skipping all the rest infront of 8?

LOve: dont worry, they will calculate very well next time. Forex, stock market :)

Tots: Just enjoying the change on my body.. Luckily my clothes are seldom super tight and KAren sis has some clothes for me as well :)) My colleagues are super sweet, share with me lots of tips. LOve is doing fine, news settling in. everyones excited cos they know we have been trying for BAby Magic dust for 1 year. Only tot are my NOv exercise to Indo has to be cancel ( when im all ready for it) MIL was jumping and calculating happily on my EDD. Its the first Tri, trying to keep the excitment down, Dear spirit of Abundance, do keep my BAby Safe and HEalthy, Thank you so much (*V*) 6 weeks..starting to show, tummy is fat to start with kekeke do felt queasy once last week morn for a 3 secs and last night, suddenly Queasy at 11pm, that i had to lie down. ( Baby be good, mummy has to work still) Cravings?? (Before i know of the news)I had a weird dream, when i woke up i was telling myself: I WANT TO EAT BIRDNEST. i just shake it off and tot what a weird tots... After telling LOve, we went to buy a box, nice for breakfast :)) Energy level is Low, by evening its 2/10. Feels dizzy if i dont rest. Heart beat is fast even at rest. Took all the Vits, folic, Iron, multi vits. Hope it compensate for the junks i Love to eat.

Will see whats going on, for my next Ultrasound and consultation. Prob will go private Senior Consultant Dr B T, heard he got a great Nurse.

BAby Dust!

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(30 OCT '09)

After all the excitement, I went for another round of U/s. They call it viability charting. Sonographer scan a 13mm sac. Gynae told me sac seen but nothing in there. If still not seen in a weeks time, i will have to make some decision. Its so devastating.... LOve is really nice, he console me when Im sad and honestly i started crying...i know its natural selection..understand that no doubt...just felt really scared to go thru the procedure..where you got to get your legs clamped down. Isnt pregnancy suppose to be happy, joyful and just sunshine?? Now its 7 days to judgement day

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Alright I am depressed for the next 48 hrs..just felt tearful at the slightest thing. I know LOve didnt know what to do. He just patiently console me. We came term to it and started chatting..and laughing @ our situation. A Hen with an empty egg (- -)'' I find this phrase very funny. After a chat with my friend Janet, i felt much better. She shared with me how she had a miscarriage 14weeks into it and there was many women whom went thru this. I felt happy to hear how mothers pick themselves up and try again and again, how brave....

LOve was telling me, perhaps we shouldnt try for kids anymore. He hates it that i have to go throu all these. I started luffing( knowing how sweet he is, i told him): wow, you are going to give up just like that? Will see.. shortly he luff and say yah, perhaps my travel dream will come true without our little friends. ( I tot to myself, I want the best of both world!! :))

Life goes on..i decided to joinin the Ultimate FRisbees @ during Life Games. It was fun, i really jump and play, running around.( Didnt realise im so bad at throwing the disc OMG) Busy walking around @ work settling stuff. SAw slight spotting..Opps...was exhausted when I drove home. MIL is very sweet, cooked a nice sumptous dinner, savoury bitter gourd, spinach/century/salted egg soup and 3 layer stewed pork, super nice. Now im just blogging, perhaps no running about this weekend. Be a good girl and stay home...rest.

Little friend be GOOd. Dont be shy when Uncle/aunty scan you on wednesday. REm...

I felt the soreness on my breast has subsided and didnt felt as bloated on my tummy....well well)

Looks like the BAby Magic dust is gone. U/s, again no progress. Dr disgnosed as Miscarriage. Too bad.. im pretty cool ( Cos already cried so much on sunday LOL Im a scarey chicken) after much decision..will be going for Evac on monday.

To compensate for the emotional trauma, went for a Movie with Hubb @ Vivo-Capitalism a love story. Chill at MAngosteen Queen ( If i didnt see wrongly LOL), had a nice caramelised Pudding, crab cakes with baby rockets & mango salsa with their speciality beer. Samui and LOve had Travellers. Nice! Great to taste some beers after 2 months :)

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So i had to go thru an evac ( Honestly pretty denial to go thru that, so went TCM..even she said go evac..Boring) So date was fixed, fasted, registered,LOve has to go, as its a all female ward, ly in bed after changing to the patient's robe. Nice thing was the KK Day Surg ambience looks like hotel, staff was friendly..even the toilet seats are heated with bidget, amazing. Soon pessaries Cervigem was inserted, 3 hrs later I was rolled into the OT. Painful IV was inserted on my Lt Dorsum, smell some ''gasoline'' gas , started crying ( Dont know from fear or what)and I woke up shortly, still crying hahaha. Glad its not so traumatizing after all...

LOve came and we went home. Then was a week of Ginger Pork, Ginger Chicken, Ginger bath. 37 degree herb bath....Ginger Longan red dates water, long pants, no fan( haha Air con not counted). Today is fri, never stayed home so long, wonder hows everything at work haha.workaholic!

This time, really felt thankful to my MIL, she is so nice, prepare n cook for me despite her seldom cook at home and having to work at the same time... she look very tired. I tot she look more tired than me & with her age. I try to do my part too in housework. LOve is also sweet, washing dishes ( becos MIL told him to) n keep me company.

Colleagues were really nice too, call and visited me with LOads of Bird nest n Essense. Even my Big Big Boss sent me a hamper too( He is so nice)

Im gOOd now. Hope to have BAby Magic dust soon :))

** FRens pls, dont sms or ask me abt it. I blog as a way to relief the emotional roller Coaster :)) As a chapter of my life, TKS**